Archive for March 9th, 2007

You Mean Xenu Could Have Saved Her?

Friday, March 9th, 2007

During my internet travels today, I visited one of my favorite websites: Findadeath.com. Everything you ever need to know about celebrity deaths can be found here. It’s funny, I could care less what celebrities are doing in their personal lives while they’re among their living, but once they die I’m all over it.

I was reading about Anna Nicole Smith, who as you all know recently bought the proverbial farm. I still can’t figure out why she was so popular in the first place, and why her death seems to have become the preoccupation of every American since it happened. She got more publicity when she died than Geroge Harrison, for Christ’s sake. It was on every freakin’ channel, and even Larry King was in tears. He’s probably just pissed because he never got to sleep with her when she was alive. Apparently she was on his show quite a bit.

Anyway, back to my original point. Anna Nicole is dead, and about 1,000 men are claiming to have fathered her spawn. It’s a big mess that coul apparently have been avoided, though. John Travolta says so. According to him, Lord Xenu could have saved her life. Here’s the article taken from http://www.nzherald.co.nz/section/1501119/story.cfm?c_id=1501119&objectid=10426673 :

John Travolta says Scientology could have saved Anna Nicole Smith.

The actor insists the late Playboy Playmate may still be alive if she had checked into the controversial Scientology drug and detox programme Narconon.

John, who worked with Anna Nicole on Be Cool, said: “It’s so sad. We could have helped her with Narconon but didn’t get the chance to. I wish we had.”

Narconon has been widely criticised for its unorthodox methods which are inspired by the teachings of Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard. The treatment includes taking large doses of vitamins, an intensive running programme, and long sauna sessions which “run out” drugs and “radiation” from the body. Scientologists insist Narconon is 85 per cent effective, but it has been alleged the method has been used to convert vulnerable drug addicts to the bizarre sci-fi cult.

A toxicology report from Anna Nicole’s autopsy is yet to be released.

The model-and-actress died on February 8, after being found unconscious in Hollywood’s Seminole Hard Rock Hotel and Casino.

Methadone and prescription drugs were found in her hotel room.

Of course Scientology could have saved her. Scientology can do anything, even cure homosexuality. Hell, Scientology was even able to help Tom Cruise spawn. That’s a modern miracle!

I could go on here about my feelings about Scientology, but I’ll save that for another time. I’m just anxiously awaiting the arrival of the new religion inspired by the writings of Dean Koontz.