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Scientology Revisited
By Rob | January 16, 2008
Back in 2004, Chuck and I paid a visit to the new Church of Scientology building in Buffalo. It was their grand-opening Gala, and for some reason they invited us. We were at the time, freelance writers working mostly for the Buffalo Beast, and independent newspaper circulating in the city. A lot of talk of Scientology has happened recently, what with Tom Cruise showing his true colors to the world and Katie Holmes turning into a robot, as seen in a recent guest appearance on ‘Regis and Kelly.’ There’s also a new unauthorized biography of Cruise that states that his and Holmes’ daughter, Suri, is the spawn of bad Sci-Fi writer L. Ron Hubbard himself. The author of the book goes so far to compare her birth to ”Rosemary’s Baby.”
A few years back, the boys from South Park did an episode about Scientology that starred Tom Cruise, John Travolta, and Galactic Overlord Xenu. Non-surprisingly it was blocked by Mr. Jerry Maguire himself, and now can only be found in various places around the internet.
With this newfound fascination with Scientology, I’ve decided to re-open my interest in this goofy religion. Following is the article Chuck and I wrote, which appeared originally in The Buffalo Beast. This time, though - the punctuation is there and a spell check has been run so it’ll be a much better read:
The Beast Goes Scientological
By Rob Gerke and Chuck Notaro
It’s been said that there are two sides to every story. I’ve found this to be true in almost everything I’ve experienced or thought about. The case of Scientology is no different. It has its supporters and its detractors. I, myself, have never given much credibility to a religion that was founded by a science fiction writer. I’m not even much of a Sci-Fi reader any longer. But I’ve never been one to openly express an opinion about something unless its an informed one, which is the reason I paid a visit to Buffalo’s new Church of Scientology this past Sunday when it celebrated its grand opening.
I’ll admit, I knew next to nothing about Scientology before I attended the opening ceremony, and honestly, I’m not sure it’s any clearer to me now.
Let’s start with the basic question: What is Scientology? In founder Lafayette Ron Hubbard’s words, Scientology is an “applied religious philosophy.” Does that clear things up for you? If not, Hubbard goes on to say that it is the “study and handling of the spirit in relationship to itself, universes and other life.”
Scientologists believe it to be a path to enlightenment gained through auditing. This is where an upper-level Scientologist evaluates you, and through certain scientific method, helps you gain control of your true self. Your inner spirit. Your “Thetan,” as the Scientologists call it.
In the Beginning, There was Xenu
The anti-Scientologists believe that the Scientologists are stark-raving mad. They put the Thetan into terms of what sounds like a bad sci-fi story. The story of Xenu: the punch line of a very long and expensive joke.
If you paid a visit to www.clambake.org you’ll find excerpts from this story which they claim was leaked by ex-high ranking members of the Church. These excerpts are accompanied by what they claim is a handwritten note by Hubbard himself that actually seems to be an outline, or a footnote to a sci-fi story. You have to remember that L. Ron Hubbard was a fiction writer, and a large body of his work had nothing to do with Scientology or the study of Dianetics. They even go so far as to say that the Thetan isn’t a person’s spirit at all, but an alien presence that has invaded our bodies after Xenu, the so-called Evil Galactic Overlord ™, initiated a galactic holocaust which caused these alien beings to need a host.
But, the Scientologists aren’t talking about this at all. This seems strange because they have a clever PR department. They seem well prepared to answer all the basic questions, but once you start probing a little beneath the surface, they basically side-step the questions. It is reminiscent a trailer to a big budget film. They perk up your interest, so you go in to buy the books to see what this is actually all about. But, apparently even purchasing and reading the books doesn’t answer these questions for you. It appears that in order to find out exactly what the tenets of this religion are, you have to advance through the ranks. Similar to playing World of Warcraft: new levels bring new abilities. (I wonder what level they are when they learn how to cast Magic Missile.)
They have no explanation for Xenu, whom Scientology detractors claim is at the core of this religion. And we question the sanity of the Anti-Scientologists, because they seem just as cult like, sometimes even more so, than the ones they are attacking.
They seemed to keep trying to draw our attention to Narconon, their drug rehabilitation program that’s apparently very big in Sweden. But, take a look at the word: NARCONON. Look like anything you’re familiar with? Could it be they’re trying to draw us to them in our drug induced haze while we’re searching for NARCANON, the non-religious group?
The Arrival
Back to the beginning. When I arrived at the ceremonial grounds on Main Street just past Allen, I saw that this was going to be a lot bigger than I initially expected. Red carpets everywhere. It reminded me of the Oscars. Oh, wait! Aren’t there a ton of celebrities involved with Scientology? Mr. Katie Holmes and Danny from ‘Grease’ come to mind. I immediately started looking around like I was in downtown Hollywood, trying to get a glimpse of Jason Lee. Or Kirstie Alley. Or that guy who plays ‘Hyde’ on “That 70’s Show.’Or even Chef from ‘South Park.’ And then I saw her. Dharma herself: Jenna Elfman, sitting in the front row as the ceremony began. Right alongside famed Buffalo rocker Billy Sheehan.
Celebrity endorsement seems to be a big selling point for Scientology. Even in their orientation film (aptly titled ‘Orientation’) they use familiar faces such as John Travolta and Chef to get their message out.
The whole thing started with an introduction by the Buffalo Scientology President . She did the expected by playing the gracious host and thanking everyone for being there and sucking up to the local politicians and the City of Buffalo in general. Then she introduced someone I had never heard of, but who got an intense, and somewhat frightening reaction from the crowd.
Than man was David Miscavige, the head of Scientology’s Religious Technology Center. Supposedly this center is set up to protect the doctrine and technology of the Church itself. I’ll say one thing for the man, he has charisma. It was a surreal experience watching him and listening to him speak. He talked about a lot of things that I’d find it difficult to argue with, such as the atrocity of war and violence and the need for peace and kindness in the world. But his tone and gestures, and the reaction of the crowd were unsettling in such a way that other charismatic leaders such as Hitler and Dr. Doom came immediately to mind. However, I still l wasn’t going to let the fact that I didn’t like one of its members formulate my whole opinion of Scientology. I mean, I still liked Jenna. That has to count for something, right? There were more speakers following him. Local politicians and the head of the Allentown Business Association got up there and informed us what this new structure was adding to the City of Buffalo. I have to admit, it’s a damn good looking building. It adds a lot to the run down section of Buffalo where it was built. The Church also claims it plans to help revitalize Main Street. In my opinion, anything that’s going to add something new to Downtown Buffalo is a good thing. Then our beloved Mayor Tony got up there and declared November 16th ‘Buffalo Scientology Day’. Then he helped cut the big red ribbon, and it honestly looked like he was trying to hit on poor Jenna.
I tried to rescue her by waving from the crowd, but she didn’t see me.
After the opening ceremony concluded, the Church was opened and we were treated to the grand tour. For some reason, the BEAST staffers were pushed to the front of the line. No other member of the media was being treated like we were. It seemed as though they were favoring us for some reason. Or maybe watching us. We weren’t left alone at all. We had what they called a ‘host’ with us at all times. Supposedly they were there to answer our questions, but it seemed more along the lines of babysitting. We were seriously followed throughout the whole event, mostly by a chubby Toronto-based Scientology minister named Al who looked disturbingly like L. Ron Hubbard. But nobody was mixing up any Kool-Aid. That was a good sign.
Scientology for Dummies
One thing we did learn is that one of Scientology’s core beliefs is that the spirit (or Thetan) lives on forever, in this world. This seems to be similar to a form of reincarnation. I’m still not clear on the whole concept, however. As I’ve said, this organization is very enigmatic.
The practice of auditing is something that was explained a little better than anything else. What I get from this is that you sit down with someone known as an auditor (duh), who analyzes the issues in your life and somehow makes all the bad things just go away. Poof. And all you’re left with is the good. This brings up a few philosophical questions. 1.) Is that really a positive thing? 2.)Is this something that’s supposed to benefit you? 3.)If you go around being happy all the time, not knowing grief anymore, how do you even know what true joy even is? It’s been said that to have Good, Evil is a necessity. Good defines evil and vice versa. This seems to negate all of that.
Keeping with this line of thought, a lot of children are born into this. At least as an adult going into the Church, you have recollection of grief and depression. If a child is trained in this practically from birth, how do they know that they’re actually happy? By comparing themselves to other people as they grow up and interact with society? I was brought up to believe that every person is different. What might be a bad experience for one person, might be the exact opposite for the next.
It all seems like a good idea on the surface. Self-improvement. Developing better inter-personal relationships. But, at what cost? It’s almost as though you have to give your whole life over to Scientology with 15 hour plus auditing sessions and almost constant service to the Church. I was raised a Catholic. All we had to do was show up one day a week for a half hour or so, feel guilty about everything you did during the week, and then go home and watch football.
The entire time we were there I felt like an outsider. There was something I was missing, a hidden text not read or secret handshake not known. I was the Republican at an anti-Bush rally, the sand it their bathing suit .
They were nice enough to us. Nicer in fact, then most people in this city. They tried to accommodate our every need but some of the looks that I received made me feel like I was of a completely different species. I’m not entirely sure on how the view outsiders, but I felt like the majority of them felt uneasy around me. Did they not us, or were they shielding themselves from a possible anti-Scientologist that could, at any moment, start trying to convince them that their chosen path was incorrect?
Isolated from the real world by a gauze thin layer of mistrust, I had entered Frank Herbert’s ‘Santaroga’, a town which exists within itself and survives solely on the production of its own citizens. Mistrusting although gracious to outsiders, I could sense a deeper hostility to those not of its own. While they put on a good front to those of us who didn’t quite fit in, there was a feeling of hostility lurking just below the surface, hidden just enough so I wasn’t sure if what I was sensing was actually there. The only exceptions to that rule were the early 20’s, brown-sweater-wearing (and extremely cute) girls who seemed genuinely happy with our presence. One went so far as to admit to being a BEAST reader.
And in the End…
Which brings us to the after-party. The Road played. Apparently they were a 1970’s rock band which sold copies of ‘Dianetics’ at all of its shows. All the musicians were original members, with the exception of Larry the Drummer. He played for a band called Management a little while ago. I saw him at Broadway Joe’s and they rocked the doors off the place. Some very good Beatles tunes. I’d never heard anyone cover Norwegian Wood before.
And the girls! Scientology is missing the beat here on a major selling point. Good looking girls everywhere. Do they manufacture them in the basement? And the kicker is…they all wanted to talk to us. NO ONE wants to talk to us. We look like Ralph Nader and Howard Sterns ugly love children.
All in all, while I was hoping this to be an eye-opening and insightful experience, it really wasn’t. I got more of an eerie feeling from the whole thing, kind of like I had stepped into an episode of The Twilight Zone, where aliens had come and taken over the people of Earth. Which may have been true, if any credibility is to be given to the story of Xenu and the Thetans.
Topics: Chuck, Religion, Rob, Uncategorized |
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