Archive for January, 2008
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Wednesday, January 16th, 2008Back in 2003, Chuck and I paid a visit to the new Church of Scientology building in Buffalo. It was their grand-opening Gala, and for some reason they invited us. We were at the time, freelance writers working mostly for the Buffalo Beast, and independent newspaper circulating in the city. A lot of talk of Scientology has happened recently, what with Tom Cruise showing his true colors to the world and Katie Holmes turning into a robot, as seen in a recent guest appearance on ‘Regis and Kelly.’ There’s also a new unauthorized biography of Cruise that states that his and Holmes’ daughter, Suri, is the spawn of bad Sci-Fi writer L. Ron Hubbard himself. The author of the book goes so far to compare her birth to ”Rosemary’s Baby.”
A few years back, the boys from South Park did an episode about Scientology that starred Tom Cruise, John Travolta, and Galactic Overlord Xenu. Non-surprisingly it was blocked by Mr. Jerry Maguire himself, and now can only be found in various places around the internet.
With this newfound fascination with Scientology, I’ve decided to re-open my interest in this goofy religion. Following is the article Chuck and I wrote, which appeared originally in The Buffalo Beast. This time, though – the punctuation is there and a spell check has been run so it’ll be a much better read:
The Beast Goes Scientological
By Rob Gerke and Chuck Notaro
It’s been said that there are two sides to every story. I’ve found this to be true in almost everything I’ve experienced or thought about. The case of Scientology is no different. It has its supporters and its detractors. I, myself, have never given much credibility to a religion that was founded by a science fiction writer. I’m not even much of a Sci-Fi reader any longer. But I’ve never been one to openly express an opinion about something unless its an informed one, which is the reason I paid a visit to Buffalo’s new Church of Scientology this past Sunday when it celebrated its grand opening.
I’ll admit, I knew next to nothing about Scientology before I attended the opening ceremony, and honestly, I’m not sure it’s any clearer to me now.
Let’s start with the basic question: What is Scientology? In founder Lafayette Ron Hubbard’s words, Scientology is an “applied religious philosophy.” Does that clear things up for you? If not, Hubbard goes on to say that it is the “study and handling of the spirit in relationship to itself, universes and other life.”
Scientologists believe it to be a path to enlightenment gained through auditing. This is where an upper-level Scientologist evaluates you, and through certain scientific method, helps you gain control of your true self. Your inner spirit. Your “Thetan,” as the Scientologists call it.
Retards and Recounts: Welcome to New Hampshire.
Sunday, January 13th, 2008I heard the complaints start up almost immediately after the polls closed in Iowa. People bitching that Ron Paul had been screwed. That a recount was needed. As it normally has gone a majority of Americans ignored them and we moved on with our lives. Moved on to New Hampshire.
There we had a bit of a surprise. Against all predictions, including mine, Clinton won. Some say it was because she cried, some point out that the pollsters were wrong. Either way, she won in New Hampshire. The margin of victory was so small that they actually were each awarded 9 delegates. So in reality it was a tie. Simple enough right?
Nope.
Another call for a recount.
It started on the tinfoil hat blogs of the Ron Paul whackjobs and the 9/11 conspiracy idiots. Slowly like a virus it spread. It actually made it out of the crazy sector and into the main stream news.
A recount in New Hampshire. Bought and paid for by Kucinich.
Conspiracy rumors were fueled because Clinton did better in precincts where ballots were counted by machine while Obama did better where ballots were counted by hand.
Damnit. The robots are supporting Clinton? Fucking Skynet.
I guess we will have to wait and see what happens.
And then there were three…
Bill Richardson Mauls Old Man, Mistaking Him For Food.
Old Man Reportedly Smelled of KFC
After a poor showing in New Hampshire Richardson has dropped out of the race. I’m going to miss that guy. He really seemed like that crazy uncle that let you have a sip of his beer when you were 12. Sadly that sort of persona probably won’t get you elected. Forget that he, not Clinton, had the most political experience of the whole damn bunch. So all those people that were supporting Clinton over Obama citing experience as their main reason, you should have really done a little more research before latching on to Clinton.
Then again, we all know that people in this country don’t like to educate themselves on their candidates before voting. And that my friends, explains all the Ron Paul supporters.
New Poll Up.
Tuesday, January 8th, 2008If you would like to discuss this poll you can in the comments on this post.
Poor Richardson, He Just Wanted To Cuddle.
Monday, January 7th, 2008Anyone else find this picture funnier then it should be?
(Photo Credit: AP)
Also, here is one I made.
Print it up and stick it somewhere so it may remind you.
Iowa – The Aftermath
Saturday, January 5th, 2008Republicans:
Huckabee took Iowa, and that was no surprise to anyone that pays attention. Iowa love Jesus, Huckabee loves Jesus… it was an easy choice. According to the NYT voter breakdown You’ll see a few factors that tilted the table directly to Huckabee:
Political philosophy:
45% Very conservative
43% Somewhat conservative
Would describe themselves as Born-again or evangelical Christian:
60%
Could there have been a more perfect match then Huckabee for those numbers?
It should be interesting to watch these candidates pander to the independent New Hampshire crowd. We have already seen Huckabee drop all references to abortion and gay marriage from his initial speeches in New Hampshire. Those two topics were foundations of his blabbering in Iowa. Even with retooling his speeches do I think he can win in New Hampshire?
No. Not a fucking chance. I’m giving this one to McCain. Why? The voters in New Hampshire aren’t looking for Captain Jesus to lead the country, they are looking for someone a bit less, how do I put this nicely, less fucking crazy. I’m not saying that McCain isn’t crazy, it is just a different crazy, a less Jesus crazy.
Why not any of the others? Well, let’s take a look at them:
Romney:
Romney is too fake, too much a part of the Republican establishment to survive the backlash we are currently seeing in both parties. He is really the Republican version of John Edwards. I have a feeling his well oiled, well funded war machine is to obvious for everyone. Every time you see him speak it feels like you are getting hit over the head with a giant mallet that has “I have more money then you” written down the side of it. He would have been great in the ’80’s.
Thompson:
I don’t see Thompson as being a viable candidate right now. He may be able to reboot his campaign and save that but I don’t think it can happen in time for the NH primary. Plus he is a boring speaker. He might be able to get a few votes from the old folks homes because his speeches help them get to bed at night but I doubt that will do well with the rest of the country. Well, maybe the insomniacs.
Giuliani:
Rudy showed he is all hype by pulling a whopping 4%. He may do a little better in New Hampshire but I don’t think anyone actually likes him. Honestly he should have dropped out after that 4% but he is just too damn stubborn.
Paul:
Ron Paul’s Band of Fools cry foul over 10% in Iowa (Link:Idiots Ahoy!) even though he beat Rudy and Duncan Hunter. Still, I consider 10% to be a strong showing from this knucklehead. He could really go either way in New Hampshire. The independents there could either like his anti-big government stance or hate his anti-choice, anti-gay rights bullshit. Hopefully the voters there will see him for what he is, another Texas Republican.
Hunter:
Who? Oh, that guy. Seriously, drop out of the race now and start dealing used cars.
Democrats:
First some stats:
57% First-time Iowa caucusgoers
52% Can bring about needed change
With stats like that it only makes sense that Obama would take Iowa. I think that this race is really cut and dry currently. Obama, Clinton, Edwards. Everyone else is done. Pack up your things and follow Biden and Dodd out the door marked exit. Actually, wait, Richardson, get back here. You can stay. I think seeing the four of you battle it out will be more amusing then just three. Gravel and Kucinich need to check out though. More state delegates went with “Uncommitted”(3) then Dodd(1), Gravel(0) and Kucinich(0) combined. How bad of a showing do you need to get 0 delegates? Well, Dodd got 0% and still got one delegate. So logic dictates that you have to do worse then 0%. Damn.
So, how will New Hampshire play out for the Democrats? Honestly, I see it about the same. Obama and Richardson will get a little more, Clinton and Edwards a little less. Do you see the parallel between the Republican race and the Democratic race? I do. The candidates that look, talk, and act less like career politicians are going to take this one home.
