Choosing Who is Right for You: The Cockpunch Scale.

Monday, October 22nd, 2007

I would like to share with you my method for choosing the candidate I will vote for. I call it The Cockpunch Scale. Basically all you need to do is to watch and listen to the many douchbags we have running for nomination and every time they say or do something that makes you want to punch them in the cock (or in the case of Clinton, a cuntpunch) they get one cockpunch point. When it comes time for you to vote on primary day you take the candidate with the least amount of points and vote for them. For the presidential ballot you take the score of the one that is running for president plus 1/2 of the cockpunch score for the person they choose for their runningmate.
Example:
Presidential Nominee and Cockpunch score:
Bob - 10
Vice Presidential Nominee Cockpunch score:
Clone Bob - 15

So
10+(15/2)= X
10+(7.5)=X
Rounding time!
10+8=18

The score for that Presidential pairing is 18. If that score is less then the other runners you would vote for Bob and Clone Bob.

Now that Brownback has bowed out of the race the cockpunch score of this race has dropped drastically. Fucking Brownback. Fuck. I can’t even articulate how much I hate that useless piece of shit. Now that he is gone I have to concentrate on telepathically sending brain cancer to Huckabee.

With the way things are going the Republicans seem to be favoring Giuliani and that probably won’t sit well with the conservative fuckstick vote. There are even murmurs of the Christian right splitting off and forming their own party if Giuliani gets the nod. For this reason alone I want Giuliani to snag the nomination. I would love to see the Jesus Army start their own party instead attaching themselves, parasite like, the the Republicans. It would be much easier to separate the true nutjobs from the ones who are pandering to them. Like dressing them in tinfoil pants. After that the Republican party could get back to what they do best, performing gratuitous oral sex on big businesses and the rich. I, for one, think they have been sidetracked for too long by having to bend over for the evolutionarily challenged crew. It will be good to see them get back to what they do best.

What would they call their new party? I have no idea but I bet the words family or values make an appearance. Maybe even both. And I know who could lead them into classic third party obscurity…
Brownback.